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Memoirs

by The Deluoz Legend

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1.
These words are phrases, letting me know just who I am, I wonder if they'll lead me to now or then? Skyward and beyond, looking for the path there, nights seem long like they're leading me nowhere. Quiet, dark, and alone I write to you but you're not responding, thoughts can race, seem out of control, close my eyes, become forgotten. Medicines and rhetoric to help me believe, an easy solution to clear my thoughts, to set me free. These days slip away like memories, I'm trying to hold on, understand everything. Is it me too scared to remember? Too afraid to see what's going on? My eyes try to focus, searching for the unforeseen, my heart navigates through a black ocean, looking for meaning. Somewhere in someplace, the picture is cut and the routine ends, a million little pieces of my life, I reach for them to mend. The outlines of what is real begin to blur, I try to connect, on the run to find a place, somewhere to clear my head. Stand still, breath once, I'm not responding, drop a line, a message for self, the words forgotten.
2.
Standing tall, even though I fall beside you. I'm at a loss for self control, but still you hold on. Words become meaningless, these lines draw blanks, finding the right things to say only to pacify. Loss of self, body displaced, traverse the sound of your repeating words. Unaware that you'll never call my name again. Maybe better this way for now? Maybe better this way somehow? Standing tall even though I'm lost without you. I held on for so long, it's hard to walk alone. Rapid loss endures the heart longer, I'm letting go. Release yourself of me. Screaming, it's not the end.
3.
Pacific 03:41
The soft light remains, in the room, you're alone. Letters left unread, your clothes undone. This is where I end and you begin. If thoughts could erase what is meant to erase. Remember where you are, so as to find home. In time you'll know that everything was for you, drowning myself just to be alive in you.
4.
Tonight, the moon shall witness angels. We're dying, in our loss of flight. Dead eyes, show me your best trick. We let go with loss of control, to feel alive, to feel it all. Scars upon your wrists are maps to your heart. A temporary fix, one day will break. Bright lights cast shadows to hide us well. No remorse for what we have done. Savior of me, I'm never coming back.
5.
To Rose 04:21
Skyline draws where I long to be. Along the coast, eyes shine like waves. Guided along together, thoughts engage a moment in time. It felt like forever was only meant to pass away. Tonight you let go. With every embrace, I feel the pull, as the day breaks for me. What remains will last, etched in my memory. Tracing the path in sand, movements slow, but calculated. What I may have may pass with out a sound, still calling to me is everything you are. In time what's forgotten becomes memory, someday look back and see me. This is a sign off to times embraced. We were the spark to ignite the city in flames. Burn bright my love, the morning, soon will be near. It comes with the passing of all our nights. I give myself to you always, eyes open clear to what surrounds me, it's everything you are.
6.
The Winter 05:44
True moments hold a feeling, I can't seem to comprehend. Looking for a sign to follow through with what I said. Sometimes what seems so sure becomes lost in the night sky, looking up wonder why, follow the streetlights home tonight. Embrace this and the one you love, who kindly reached out, soon to let go, free fall alone and without a sound. Everyday an image, something you want to believe in. Only to pull the veil, light shines through, nowhere to begin. She said give up and destroy or be alive and embrace. Directions can seem so sure but we find ourselves lost within our fate. Movements become slow and I breath deep to release. A passing feeling that longs for true meaning. Sleepless nights, racing thoughts, words without sense. To explain excessiveness in response to never knowing when. Without knowing how, years have fallen behind, disconnected memories, make sense on the outside. Longing to feel real without hesitance or remorse. To remind ourselves this is not all we are in a silent discourse.

credits

released July 17, 2008

self recorded at the south 12th street house in Pittsburgh, PA

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The Deluoz Legend New York, New York

Formed in 2008 after the disbandment of the Pittsburgh hardcore band the weight of hope. Guitarist Jason Smith this time looked to write an album comprised of his influences in electronic, post rock, and show gaze.

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